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The World Is Waiting To Hear Your Story Wed, 22 Jul 2020 14:49:49 +0000 en-CA hourly 1 https://wordpress.org/?v=6.9.4 https://pattimhall.com/wp-content/uploads/2022/10/cropped-icon-1-32x32.png writing process| Patti M Hall https://pattimhall.com/writing-process/ 32 32 How to overcome your barriers, before you even put pen to paper, (or fingers to keyboard). https://pattimhall.com/memoir-1-overcome-your-barriers-to-writing-your-story-with-patti-m-hall/?utm_source=rss&utm_medium=rss&utm_campaign=memoir-1-overcome-your-barriers-to-writing-your-story-with-patti-m-hall Mon, 30 Dec 2019 21:55:11 +0000 http://pattimhall.com/?p=9698 https://d3ctxlq1ktw2nl.cloudfront.net/staging/2019-0-8/8055223-44100-2-85e4afe3e9c1a.m4a

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]]> Memoir #1: Overcome your barriers to writing your story with Patti M Hall

A Memoir Series (part 1) with Sandy Reynolds on Reframe Your Life Podcast

Transcript, excerpts, notes:

{1:40}Sandy: What barriers do people have when it comes to memoir writing? What stops people from writing their story?

Patti: All of them are in their own heads, is the short answer. We all get stopped, and we probably all wait about 10 years before we start. We have to first of all live the experience, then you go to dinner parties and hear “hey you should really write that book”. Then you mull on that and then all that nasty self-talk starts to creep up. Why haven’t you guys started? What do you hear in your head? 

Everybody hears this. I’ll give you a couple of mine. Every memoir coaching session starts this way. We always start by having to straighten this out: “I’m not famous, I shouldn’t write a book. What would anyone want to read my book for? “

Jo-Anne: That’s like me. Not that I’m not famous, but who wants to hear my story? Is it exciting enough? 

Patti: I know this is how we hear how cruel we are to ourselves. Okay Sandy, what’s your thing? What’s in your head? 

Sandy: I wouldn’t know where to start. I think that’s a big one for me. I’d love to write my story but it’s overwhelming, but I’d have no idea how to go about starting it. It’s inexperience. How do you do it? All of those kinds of things.

Patti: Let’s start somewhere we can all agree on; the power of story. So let’s start there. That stories have always been told. We continue to tell stories, whether we invent creative myths for our children about birds that come alive to rescue them from a rising storm. We create stories for comfort. We tell one another stories in order to keep our memories alive. There’s nothing more gratifying than the story about grandpa who survived in the mountains of Italy during WWII. There’s nothing more exciting than that for any generation that they came from the stuff of such strength and resilience. We tell stories to comfort, to add legacy, but we more than anything, do it to teach one another that we are not alone. Whenever someone comes to me and says I don’t know if I can write my story because, I can’t this because, or I shouldn’t because. I always turn it around it and say, think about what your story can offer to someone. And that’s where these thoughts start to break apart. If you see your story as being a service for someone, first of all you, and secondly someone you might share it with. Then you start to see how petty and really not very kind some of these grievances that we have in our head. For example, who cares if your story isn’t exciting Jo-Anne, what if your story isn’t exciting by someone’s standards but rather inspiring. And a story of survival, and a story of how moving cross-continental and around the world has brought you great joy and excitement. And they’ve always been too scared to move 10 miles away from home. 

So what if the service of your story is to say, Hey you’re not alone, I totally relate to you even though we’ve never met, and I offer you my story as a way to look at your life in a different way. And that starts to break down a lot of those misgivings we have about telling it, when we realize there is sometimes a purpose to story-telling that isn’t about us at all. It’s about our feelings of satisfaction and clarity that we get from the telling it. But stories are received by someone. Whether or not we think there will be an audience, sometimes the only audience is the cosmos, you know when we’re writing two years in a dark room. But even that has a purpose. We’re thinking and analyzing as we’re writing the story. And then we offer that up to a potential reader and audience one day. And I think that starts to break it down to a few less harsh judgements. 

Then there’s the one Sandy mentioned, let’s tackle that one. “I don’t know where to start” I have an easy answer for that too. Start with what bubbles up repeatedly. Start with the story that you can’t put down. Start with the story that comes up at every dinner party that shows up in your dreams. The one that the minute you’re on a quiet train ride, that you have a moment to yourself, that you think of. For some people, those are the moments in childhood when you dreamed of being a writer someday. Or the glimpse that you got of wanting to live in the Australian outback when you were 12 and became fascinated with Australia. Or it’s the day your mother passed away. Or it’s uncompleted things, like I didn’t finish that degree, I wish that I didn’t have to leave that job. Conversations that you didn’t have. Things that bubble up for you. That’s where you start. You start because it’s pressing. Things that press themselves to the surface almost always have a greater reason than we’re ready for. And honestly the best feeling in writing your story is getting that bubbling cauldron of soup down on the page. So you can clear your head. For me that’s where you start. You start with what’s easy. {7:30}

{7:35}Sandy:  A question along that line, how do you know when it’s time to write your story. Like what’s the right time? Obviously I’m not feeling like I’m too young to write my story, but maybe I’m feeling like I’m too old to write my story. 

Patti: Right. The one thing I would say is that you’re never too old. But I have seen stories where people start to write them too soon. So regardless of your age, for example, I’ll use my own illustration here: I have recently rewritten one of my own memoirs, a book that I’d written and then had to go and re-write. The reason that I did that was because I wrote the first draft too soon. The book was more about what I was going through rather than what how I was managing to get my head around surviving it. 

What you want to make memoir good. You want memoir to operate on two levels. You want it to operate on the story level with great scenes and gripping dialogue. And descriptions of things that you went through. But for it to be really relatable for people who haven’t been through your experience you want it to operate at a thematic level. So for my story I had a sick child, I did everything I could to help him survive. I wanted my story to be about the resilience of a woman who was confronted with this massive thing she didn’t know how to compete against. I had to rewrite my book to get it there. Because when I wrote it too soon, too early after my son’s diagnosis, my book was all about the medical stuff, it was all about what I was embroiled in. And that wasn’t going to be relatable for a woman whose child was born with diabetes, for example, and it also wasn’t going to be relatable for someone who was going through divorce.  I realized until I pulled the day-to-day, the really down-in-the-muck stuff of my story away, I couldn’t really analyze what I’ve been through. So you can write too soon, but you can never wait too long to write the story – is my answer to that one. You can never be too old, because we only become better writers as we age, thankfully. It’s one of those things we do better as we age. Isn’t that great? Because you hone your craft. Because you’re polishing and crafting every time you open your mouth. Every podcast you do, you’re practicing your writing. So in answer to your questions to that, now is quite likely the right time, because here’s the irony- if you can ask ‘is now the right time’ chances are it is. Because if it’s too soon you’re going to be too mixed up in the stuff you’re going to even think about writing the story. My guess is, the time is now. {10:27}

{11:37}Jo-Anne: To start, I get it, we start with what resonates to me. And what point do you start with what the reader wants? And as you start, you’re writing gets better? 

Patti: Both are true. So, your writing naturally gets better. I like to use the metaphor of carving. As you start you take a block of wood, you chip away with the big clunky tools first, then you work into these fine scrapers and gouges as you get into the detail. So of course, your writing improves but the writing quality should not be your concern early on; you really have to try not let that be a concern so early on. That is for later, that is for much later because the greatest challenge for memoir writers is getting enough detail the first time around. And that means controlling all of those voices inside your head that you hear right now. ‘Oh the writing’s not good enough’ ‘oh they’re not going to want to hear this’ ‘Who’s going to care about how many times I went to the doctor before they figured out what the scratch was on my face?’ You have to tone those voices down early on. This really is where the self-kindness part comes in, where you say ‘I just need to give myself time to get a chunk of this on the page’. The writing catharsis, the emptying yourself of this memory that has been bubbling up this entire time — if that can be your focus early on, it really stands in you good stead for the rest of the writing process. Which is pretty arduous, to be honest, but for people who are listening in, and for you two who haven’t put pen to paper, the goal is to turn the tap on. To get the tap turned on and to get yourself lots of time for later to decide is it good enough, is interesting, is it what the reader wants? {13:37}

{13:40} Jo-Anne: I love that, because when you said write it for you. It’s a journey, it’s a process, so it may be written and never actually need to be published. It all depends what people get from it on their own journey. 

Patti: Right. Writing is – there’s a reason that humans do it. I’m convinced we have these massive analytical brains and we have nowhere to put the product of our own self-analysis. Writing becomes one of those emptying out processes for us. That’s more than enough, to know that you got it down is such a victory in our lives. First of all to take the time, but also to have the ability to analyze without judgement, without wondering if someone is going to see it, just to get down the Hoorah I Survived, it was hell but here I am now. Even if you don’t know what it means, the relief of getting words on a page. I have never in my million years’ experience with this this, I have never heard anyone say ‘I wish I didn’t write it down.’ It’s always the opposite. Always. If you can just think it out loud, say it out loud, you’ll realize your fears are about something else entirely. Almost in every case, if you present me with a fear like ‘what if the writing isn’t good enough’, I’ll say ‘How do you know it won’t be?’ – You just can’t know. You can’t know how good it’s going to feel, you can’t know how compelling your story is, this is a little bit of a crisis of faith, but only on the first page. Because once you’re writing, the writing is so magnetic that you’ll just keep on going. I promise. If you can get that first little bit of writing done, everyone says wow this is really cool, this feels really good. And 250 pages later you have a book sometimes, and if you don’t, then what you have are pages and pages of thoughts that are no longer unclear in your head, they’re very clear on paper. {15:51}

{16:15}Sandy: One of the barriers I have is, in telling my story, how poor some people that I care about are going to appear in my story. They’re not going to look so attractive. And I thought what do you do with that, it’s your story, but maybe your parents were the greatest people. They were doing the best they could but they definitely fell short, but I’m a feeler and I don’t want to hurt them. 

Patti: Yes, it’s your story and you said that. This is where farther down the line the writing/editing becomes really important, and the word smithing, and much later in the writing is where you decide how much is relevant. And I always hesitate to include those character sketches of other people in my writing, and now that I’m deep into my second memoir, I realize that I just have to show a little of other people. I don’t have to say judgey words. I don’t have to say so-and-so wasn’t the cousin I wish they were. I just have to show myself in action with them. And let people figure out what they think. And this is a trend in memoir that is helping people get past the not wanting to project negative aspects on the people they love. It is the best way to show these people to the best of your memory and to leave it at that. And this is the great thing in writing, both fiction and nonfiction, is that you present the show, you present the scene and dialogue, or the experience that was endured with somebody and let the reader see what they think it all meant. So, you might have the experience that you were too chastised by your grandmother … you simply present yourself being chastised too harshly by your grandmother and leave it at that. In memoir you rarely say, because my grandmother was so harsh to me, I decided to never have children. You never need to say those things. Because later, should the reader see that you made decisions about children or grandchildren of your own, that may or may not have been coloured by that experience, and they want to figure that out themselves. So while you have control over what you talk about in your memoir, you don’t have to fully control interpretation. You can just present the facts, and you can do that with as little or as much detail as possible. And the caveat I always have to this is pretty blunt. It’s your memory and it’s your story, just present it as kindly as you can, and be accurate. Let the reader figure out what they think it all meant. You can’t let this stop from writing a whole book, when you look at it logically you might be talking about a couple of scenes in a string of one hundred scenes that will be the content of your book. And no one goes into compelling memoir writing wanting to ruin someone else. They go in to tell their story. And the accuracy of that is why people read it. Because they can relate to the fact such as tender experiences of Grandma was a little harsh to me when I was eight years old- those are really relatable things, and those are in good service of the human community when we say, Hey maybe you went through that too. Just by presenting it, let the reader figure out what they think. {20:03}

{22:14} Patti: Nobody expects for a life story to be perfectly tidy. In fact, I’m not convinced we’d want to read them if they are. And relatability means that we’ve been through something similar, and it doesn’t have to be exactly the same. I want to be able to say, I want to read your memoir and say I didn’t go through a crisis of faith over this or a relationship breakdown over that, but boy do I understand the heartbreak that she felt. And that becomes the truism that gets people from the beginning of the book to the end. Holding a great respect of our memories, regardless of our age is something that we have to do. {22.46}

{23:58} Patti: Making peace with it is the goal of our life and of the writing. Especially if it’s our story to tell. This is an ongoing one, and it isn’t an easy one, everyone that I work with has concerns about what the impact of their words will be. And you have to have an incredible sensitivity around it and that will bring in good stead. {24:18}47

{24:20}Sandy: How much time would I have to do this? There’s that question is this going to take three years of my life? That can be a barrier as well. Would I be able to stick with the process? 

Patti: Well, I’ve seen it happen. This is where I became addicted to coaching. I got a coach early on in my writing career, and then I got a writing partner, then I found a writing group that I worked with because I found that it was very lonely. I couldn’t see the goals anymore and I would talk myself out of keeping on writing. When you’ve lived your story, and then you try to write it, it’s just too much to sit with it day after day. If you have the luxury of telling yourself, okay here’s four months I’m going to write my memoir, chances are you’ll do some of that. And you’ll probably make a really good start at it, you might even get yourself half of a memoir manuscript. But you’re going to have questions that remain unanswered if you try to do it in complete isolation or alone. And this is where I always say to people, don’t talk about your story to just anyone, go to someone who you can trust to give you really objective feedback. Don’t ask your husband what he thinks about your writing, don’t go to a family member, what you need is a team member. You need someone that will say Wow I just read your chapter from last week, send me what you wrote for this week. It is awesome to have a writing partner. I just found somebody that would help, and it doesn’t need to be a paid coach. The next time somebody says, why don’t you let me help you? Just say yes. You have no idea how great it is to have the support to send an email to someone when you’re spinning your wheels. But how long it takes, a book takes 18 months or 2 years. That’s a nebulous as anything else. That implies that you have a full life and will be working the rest of the time. 

So a pre-writing phase comes in here, Sandy, in answer to your question. It’s doing some work in advance of the actual writing, in order to speed up the writing. And that’s mining for material and harvesting your memories.{27:10}

{27:23}Patti: This is where letting the tap turn on and letting it run for a while. This is where we’ll get to, because when you’re afraid you don’t have the time… The intimidating part is where you’re sitting with a blank notebook. I always advise people to start with a few basic pre-writing lists. Lists of memories that keep bubbling up, things that you absolutely feel that your story has to include, in order to capture everything that you want. Where would it begin and end, time wise? What will you include and not include, do all of this brainstorming stuff that you can do in the car or in bed. It’s already at the front of your mind anyway. I always say before you worry about how much time it’s going to take, see how much material you’ve got and how accessible the material is. Some people have to go back and do research. Some people have to go and interview grandparents. But if it’s top of mind memory stuff, if you need months at the minimum to do it, but nobody has to write their memoir full time unless you’re like me and it’s your profession. I’d like to see you not put a time limit on it, except to say something like ‘Over the next couple of years, I’d like to get the material for the first draft of my book.’ That’s a nice kind of open approach. But if all you want to do is spend the rest of your life writing about your life and people come to me in classes, library classes that come to me, ‘I really feel inspired to write about my life.’ And they just start writing. If you can just start writing without the goal of a book … I try and tell people to roll that ego back a bit and say ‘what do you want to write about that would just feel good’ – If you start with the feel good, you can never go wrong and it always makes it go faster and you know if you knew it was going to feel good to write about your memories every day, you’d probably go to your desk a lot more willingly. {30:02}

{30:25}Jo-Anne: Instead of thinking ‘Oh my god here’s this big book’ I’m just going to chronicle and journal some of my life every week. 

Patti: It’s a great way to release yourself from the pressure of writing a book. I always hate that big nasty label of I’m writing a book, because it’s intimidating, it’s an over commitment – none of us really know what it means. Nobody wants everybody to come back to them and say ‘how’s that book going?’ and journaling to memoir is exactly how I’ve written my first two memoirs. I had stacks and stacks of journals and I just put everything in them because really I didn’t know where else to put things. Like how scared I was, or yet another sleepless night, I didn’t know where to put that stuff. So the journal is exactly where you put that stuff. And this first stage of pre-writing that I talked about where you harvest materials, some people call it mining their memories. What I have always done, is I always go back to my journals. To first of all remember what happened, remember feelings, remember frustrations, and then you can almost always lead your memory down the garden path into something bigger. And journaling is the first best exercise for memoir writing, it is the content of every memoir. {31:57}

{32:26}Patti: We often need something to hook our memories with. This is how long term memories work. We often pack our long term memories away until a colour, scene, memory, or smell brings forth the entire big picture and one other thing I have people do to prepare is creating a timeline for their lives as a way of harvesting memories chronologically. I also have this master memory list that is going on, by going to get your journal and pick a period of your life that you feel most compelled to write about and try to remember exactly what happened that year. Even if it’s a tangible memory, the selection of memories that comes with that is exactly what your memoir needs. And wherever you have to go for your memories, if you’ve got journals, literally it’s like having an archive of your life. It’s a terrific resource.{33:29}

{34:15}Jo-Anne: Who writes more memoir, men or women? 

Patti: Well, I was reading recently. I’ll tell you honestly, I’ve been doing research on this. There was an article came to me through someone that reads my memoiraholic posts. They said ‘Did you know that memoir used to be the perview of men traditionally?’ This is what I’m researching, how the genre memoir has broken away from or become its own out of a mélange of other genres. I have some very early memoirs that were recommended in a post that the divine Elizabeth Gilbert mentioned that inspired her. I went back and I found them. And in finding analysis of these early memoirs, what was interesting was that I found some writers who said that early on memoir was about men and this was not necessarily great men writing their autobiographies. Because it was a period of time when men were a much larger proportion of the published authorship in the world, particularly in America. Because in the US is sort of where the publishing statistics are most readily available historically. It was more commonly men, I’ll tell you that now, I feel that it has become much more skewed towards women but I’m not sure if that is my preference and the world that I live in, or the fact that my social media outreach seems to have a lot more women in it than men and I would absolutely love anybody to email us on this if they actually have facts on this. Because I believe what we’re looking at is a trend that has followed a shift in social justice. That by the same token, say in a period of time where we did not have great diversity or equality in our social justice I expect we were seeing books written by fewer marginalized people and a lot more mainstream authors and now I hope what we’re seeing is that those that have been traditionally marginalized are becoming stronger voices represented in conventionally published memoirs. I don’t know if that’s my preference, but it definitely a passion of mine. But I’m not sure that I can prove it and I’m literally researching this now to try and figure out if the number of titles that would have been classed as memoir, say in the 50’s as opposed to in the 90’s or the 2000’s, if there has been this kind of shift in the gender proportions. I’m not sure, certainly what we could see if we looked at the memoirs that have been turned into movies over the last 50 years, and I bet you we could see the trend is quite well evidenced. And if we look at the movies produced in the last few years of memoirs that turned into movies we might be able to see more so-called her-stories than his-stories that have been represented.{37:34}

{39:07}Jo-Anne: Should every story be shared? Should every memoir be published? 

Patti: To clarify the comment I made, is the criticism is that anyone can write it and get it published, and that memoir isn’t really this sort of high quality which I vehemently disagree with. So should everyone be published? No. Only really good writing should be published. I’d be remiss to say otherwise but I think self-publishing is a tremendous invention for people who have a purpose in mind that they’re so clear on and so passionate about that they just want to see their book out there, and I work with those people all the time and I fully support the self-publishing movement and for all I know someday that will be for me. I have ghost written books that have been self-published and I am proud to have my name on the cover and what I often do is say to people – What’s your vision? If your vision is: I want to see my book on the Chapters or the Barnes and Nobles shelf and I want to get it in the hands of 2000 people who have been rape victims or abuse victims — if that’s the vision then I say, you should go for that. Because I truly do think that behind everybody who puts pen to paper there’s a little tiny secret dream that the person has that their writing might be more than they think it is. I think that whole ‘I really want to be a writer someday’ might be the most common pressed down dream in human society. Every little kid, every teenager, every twenty something, and certainly all the fifty somethings I know – are saying it has always been on my bucket list to write a book. And I will always say ‘how far do you want to see your book go?’ ‘Or do you just want to write to tell your story?’ And nine times out of ten people want to get their story down so that the memories aren’t lost. I think that is the most terrific reason to write of all. I’m thrilled to help people just harvest their memories and teach them how to more fully tell stories. So that the really compelling details aren’t lost.{42:13}

{42:44}Sandy: I think being able to print a copy of your book is great, it allows people to really specialize in a certain area that might not have broad appeal but those people who are interested in that can find that material.

Patti: It’s a wonderful life goal to see fulfilled relatively affordably and you know if you sell a few hundred books a lot of people recoup the costs of printing. It really is an affordable thing to do. I know all kinds of people who have even gone on to conventionally publish later started by creating an ebook that sells on amazon kindle or then they create the print on demand version if someone wants to hold the book in their hands. I think these are all tremendous goals to have especially if the writing is the thing that you love and you really don’t care what happens to it after and at least half of the people who are listening today are saying ‘I just kind of want to write, I don’t care if anybody ever sees it.’ Because writing in of itself is the most joyous thing and it’s so nice to get things out of your head and onto paper and everybody tells me that, once they start to put things on paper. If you just want to see it printed up and beautiful and in a bound book. There are these really affordable ways to do that. I think it’s tremendous. {44:04}

{44:30}Jo-Anne: What’s the difference between an autobiography and a memoir?

Patti: Great question. Awesome question. Memoir is just a book based on memory. An autobiography by definition is a biography; as in life story written by the person who lived the life. Autobiographies are typically the entire life of a person. Memoir came from memories, as in assembled memories of a person. An autobiography, an entire life story, includes everything; sometimes ad nauseam, and quite often is a well-known person. 

A memoir is a story built around a theme, quite typically, a time’s in one’s life that is being conveyed for the purpose of relating a particular story that might be about survival, resilience, courage, inspiration. So there’s almost always a theme and it’s usually a confined period of time even if it’s a lengthy period of time. For example, I have a memoir that is an intense 18 months yet it covers 8 years. The whole thing start to finish is 8 years. That typically is a memoir. It’s themed. And the writing style is typically different as well. Memoir is typically written in a journal style with an intimate retelling of scenes, and story, and dialogue, and characterization that’s closer to fiction than autobiography. Autobiography quite often has that formal kind of dry aspect to it. Memoir goes into it with a beginning middle and end of something that has happened thematically that you think can be relatable to another person.{47:17}

{48:36}Patti: Memoir is so gripping because if you didn’t live their story, it doesn’t matter. You can relate to the themes and you can relate to their coping strategies throughout it.{48:48}

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]]> We Are The Owners of Our Stories https://pattimhall.com/we-are-the-owners-of-our-stories/?utm_source=rss&utm_medium=rss&utm_campaign=we-are-the-owners-of-our-stories Sun, 01 Oct 2017 01:21:47 +0000 http://pattimhall.com/?p=1333 Go ahead and tell it  – just the way you like. You own your story. I own mine. As authors of our lives, and the tales that our actions, feelings and choices produce, we are the owners … we have all the rights of ownership and that means that we each, every single one of…

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]]> Go ahead and tell it  – just the way you like.

You own your story.

I own mine.

As authors of our lives, and the tales that our actions, feelings and choices produce, we are the owners … we have all the rights of ownership and that means that we each, every single one of us, gets to tell our tale. Doubts about what we are “allowed” to write crushes many writers before they even get started.

I’m a book coach who focuses on memoir, and a memoirist myself, and I’ve looked at this concern of aspiring memoirists, bloggers and writers from most angles. This concern, the one that often stalls us putting pen to page, sounds like these comments I heard in a recent workshop I gave:

“What if someone is upset by what I write?”

“I don’t wanna get sued.”

“Am I allowed to say this, as long as it’s true?”

Some people are asking about litigation, and how to wisely write about sensitive material without being the target of formal responses. But the deeper need I read in the faces of people is for permission. We all want to feel like it is okay to talk about our lives, however intimately, or publicly. We are looking for endorsement, dispensation …we want the high five, and a “You go, girl!” from somewhere.

Getting jammed up by something in our heads, while writing, is ubiquitous … every writer knows the sensation, most have succumbed to its grimy little paws, and some stay stuck and lean in to the muck and mire so much that they put the pen away for good. These folks have genuine reason to be concerned, yes. But when permission, the ultimate self-kindness, comes from our internal fire, we each will realize that owning our story is bigger–we are bigger–than anyone’s reaction to our side of things.

This is where I come in with the question, “what do you want to say?” and invite the person back to the page, gently placing the pen back in her hand.

There are enough critics in the world, and the Internet invites voices to climb onto our shoulders and not stop yapping. Let’s not be the critic that stops the flow of words; that therapeutic release of relatable moments in our lives that is memoir, life-writing, journaling and blogging. Your version of your life matters more than anyone’s need to take exception with it.

With rights come responsibilities too. We must tell the story to the best of our recollection. I tell people this: “you must be your own fact checker.” Your memory is the warehouse of your story. Write from that place and be kind to yourself when the outcome is fraught with emotion.

We are storytelling animals. Humans are bound together, defy the fight or flight stress response to crisis, by sharing our tales of resilience and survival. Relating to your story will ease the passage through life for the reader and listener. When you think of it that way, isn’t telling your tale a generous act? When you think of your experience, and the retelling of it as a gift, doesn’t that free you up to write about it?

In the words of one workshop attendee, who shared that she strongly feels that her families stories need to be recorded, maybe even out in the world:

“I’m more afraid of not writing, than I am of someone being offended.”

Write on.

Self-kindness dwells in the truth of your story. It’s yours to tell. Do it well.

 [portions previously published September 29, 2017 on www.kindovermatter.com]

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]]> Kindness to Myself In The Pages of My Memoir https://pattimhall.com/kindness-pages-memoir/?utm_source=rss&utm_medium=rss&utm_campaign=kindness-pages-memoir Wed, 23 Aug 2017 20:11:52 +0000 http://pattimhall.com/?p=1306 Confession time. I have a problem. I’m a #Memoiraholic. Yup. Mr. Webster and his logophiles (word-loving compadres) would define me thusly: one who loves narrative composed of personal experience to excess. Guilty. As. Charged. One of the reasons I love the memoir genre, is that memoirs are an unself-conscious dive down the proverbial rabbit hole…

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]]> Confession time.

I have a problem.

I’m a #Memoiraholic.

Yup.

Mr. Webster and his logophiles (word-loving compadres) would define me thusly:

one who loves narrative composed of personal experience to excess.

Guilty. As. Charged.

One of the reasons I love the memoir genre, is that memoirs are an unself-conscious dive down the proverbial rabbit hole into incredible realizations.

They reflect both experience, and years of self-reflection about what has contributed most to who we are in the time of writing. I say unself-conscious because by the time a writer has gotten to the publication stage of a memoir, they have grown quite comfortable with the contents. They can’t afford to feel squeamish about the content anymore.

First of all, it can take years to write the manuscript.

Secondly, time has passed. It is rare that a book is written as the writer is experiencing its content. It is more common that writers choose to wait, and in fact, need to wait years for their fluidity with the experience and its meaning to distill into text. Cheryl Strayed’s Wild comes to mind as an example. The clarity of a book’s pithy conclusions is the result of time, (and a ton of hard work), which I appreciate as a voracious reader and memoiraholic.

Another common feature of the writing process for memoir writers is the worry that they will never feel comfortable including content that could offend people; perhaps their stories uncover family secrets for the first time or their book assigns blame, controversially. The Fact of A Body by Alexandria Marzano-Lesnevich is a must-read because of how the author successfully wrestles the notion of blame to the page.

Maybe this is why you haven’t started your book—you don’t want the telling of your story to hurt anyone, or you just haven’t found the courage you think you need, yet.  Not yet.

But you will. Stories have a way of fighting for air, pressing themselves to the page. This is true of my memoir, tentatively titled Our Own Forever, about the tumult in my life and my response when my son was diagnosed with an uber-rare disease. I recently undertook a complete rewrite of my manuscript. I had drafted its former version, all 100,000 words of it in 2014, but late last year I realized that its conclusions weren’t accurate anymore. There was more to say. I wasn’t that woman, or that writer now, even that I’d been just three years ago. So I started again, because the story demanded it of me. Sure, I considered giving it up. Many people put the book in the box and are content to let it languish. But my story, my memoir that reveals all of the roles I took on in addition to being Patti, and being Mom, in order to save my child, needed to get out in the world. It needed to help other parents with critically and chronically-ill children feel less alone. It wouldn’t stop percolating through me, even though I tried putting other projects in front of it. My memoir fought hard to be noticed, it tugged at my soul, peeling away paint from the blackened window I’d stored it behind.

[NOTE: Loving Large: A Mother’s Rare Disease Memoir will be released April, 2020 and can be ordered here:]

Recently I realized that rewriting my memoir has been an unwitting act of self-kindness. You see, I’ve witnessed myself living these years, in as much as any of us has self-awareness in hospital visits, parenting, grieving, and dealing with divorce, depression and decision-making. (Or so I thought.) But I hadn’t really appreciated, with compassion, the person I’d become in the After, until I saw myself in the freshly written pages. I hadn’t realized that fear had been forcing my hand in life choices. I hadn’t seen that I was unwilling to trust that a safe future awaited my two children. I learned that I was keeping myself small, living below the radar, because I felt disaster might discover me again and in my newly assumed role as Crisis Mom, I thought I deserved its wrath.

The woman I am now can never be who she was Before my son’s diagnosis. I cannot go back. Neither can he. Had the events of the last eight years not occurred just as they did, neither my son nor I would be who we are. I can celebrate and unconditionally love the young man he has become—why wasn’t I embracing the Patti I’d become in the same way?

Because I hadn’t written it yet.

I write in order to know who I am. The kindest thing I could have done was write in my now voice, as my now Patti—the me in the After. So I started over.

There are riches in our histories, pain speckles our story but it needn’t define us entirely. There are blissful moments within loss, and heart-rending gifts abound while sitting bedside with a sick child. The phoenix does rise.

Kindness to ourselves is about compassion directed inward. I needed to integrate the advocate, researcher, scrub nurse, and cheerleader I became while on the medical odyssey with me, in order to know better the woman and the writer I am now. That took time. I needed to take the time and the book made sure I did.

Kindness is a muscle, once discovered, it benefits from use. So I will rewrite this memoir, and the rewrite my other book this year too, using the voice of the writer who has learned the value of the richness of all experience, the tragic and the joyous. Done well, my future readers will go down the rabbit hole of discovery with me in the pages of my life.

[originally posted on www.kindovermatter.com August 2017]

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]]> Branches Fall on the Well-Chosen Paths Too https://pattimhall.com/branches-fall-well-chosen-paths/?utm_source=rss&utm_medium=rss&utm_campaign=branches-fall-well-chosen-paths Mon, 21 Aug 2017 00:10:20 +0000 http://pattimhall.com/?p=1298 I want to share something really personal with you. It’s the image I conjure every single time I (try to) meditate. I’m in a forest. There are trees on either side of me, I brush them with my hands, like they are the shoulders of old friends. I feel the canopy overhead, making the air…

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]]> I want to share something really personal with you. It’s the image I conjure every single time I (try to) meditate.

I’m in a forest. There are trees on either side of me, I brush them with my hands, like they are the shoulders of old friends. I feel the canopy overhead, making the air greyish-green. I am surrounded by every shade of green imaginable. I’m walking a rustic, ancient pathway, lined with damp, moss-covered, well-trodden and ancient, storied stones. I look up from my feet, glancing ahead warily to see the pathway rises up a small hill, and I can see it begins to turn to the right, breaks out of the trees into open, sunny sky.

I take comfort from this image because I love the forest, I’m a walker, and I can see the way forward is clear. I can see that if I plod along, not letting fear get the better of me, and bolting to the clearing, I will get to that big, blue sky soon. In no version of this visual, which I’ve used hundreds of times, does it get interrupted by me tripping over a branch, wrenching my ankle, falling flat on my face with a Harumph! and wailing like a toddler who dropped her ice cream out of the cone.

But that is pretty much what happened this month. I went down hard. A tornado’s worth of debris has blocked my path. I can’t see the stones anymore.

I had a plan. The goal was to take 18 months, write three manuscripts, and completely dedicate myself to my writing. I’m a project manager, meticulous navigator type. I had plotted my course for months in advance, thinking through all the ways that my progress might be thwarted…but I couldn’t control things like the real estate market, political will, or public anxiety. The house I needed to get sold, didn’t sell. All of the reasons are outside my control, have nothing to do with my house (or me), and no amount of mapping could have guided me around this obstacle. But the branches, tree limbs and intact fallen trunks got blown in front of me just the same. A new visual image has appeared and in it, there is no way forward except climbing, crawling, and hauling my exhausted body across every single bit of crap that has been blown onto my path. I can’t see the path anymore.

It’s hard climbing over downed tree limbs and storm-blown debris. I’m not young anymore and I’m not in good shape either. I lost sight of the path. And Anger, once a stranger to me, has crept out from the filthy, dark cave where I had it locked away and it is not pretty.

This is where the self-kindness came in. I’m trying to learn the word PERMISSION. Last year I had to learn the word BOUNDARY and that one is still a work in progress, so I’m guessing that giving myself permission to be pissed off, cranky as hell and frustrated beyond words, isn’t going to be something I grasp quickly.

I had a well-conceived plan for embracing my writing life in a whole new way. You know what Robert Burns said of “the best laid schemes o’mice an’ men” — they go awry. Bloody hell, do they ever!

I wanted the context to be simplified, pared down, and financially well-provided for. But it didn’t work out that way. I was walking the challenging and ambitious path of leaving all paid work behind in order to pursue three manuscripts. But guess what, a lot of detritus has gotten in my way. Now the goal is to believe that the footpath is still there.

Committed to self-kindness, I still go to the desk everyday and stick to my writing schedule, which is, write something every day. When I can’t, I take the time to rant and feel sorry for myself, and then I go back to the desk and try again — like a sailor who has nothing but flotsam left of his ship …because he still loves the sea.

And my visualization — it’s adjusted, like the focus button needs to be pressed, but I keep putting one wary foot in front of the other, stepping over and around, climbing what I must, because I know the path is under there somewhere and the blue sky is still the reward at the end.

What do you visualize in order to pull yourself through the tough walking?

[published on www.kindovermatter.com  in July, 2017]

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]]> Sometimes the Kindest Thing to Do is Start Over https://pattimhall.com/sometimes-kindest-thing-start/?utm_source=rss&utm_medium=rss&utm_campaign=sometimes-kindest-thing-start Mon, 21 Aug 2017 00:03:38 +0000 http://pattimhall.com/?p=1293 I tried a hundred ways to say it. Word junkies do that—we have thesaurus pages on the insides of our eyelids. I’m no different. I pressed the word restart and its myriad synonyms into my personal, lexical gap. I’m reassembling it. “It’s a rebuild.” I’m putting it back together. “I’m renovating it!” Still, there was…

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]]> I tried a hundred ways to say it. Word junkies do that—we have thesaurus pages on the insides of our eyelids. I’m no different.

I pressed the word restart and its myriad synonyms into my personal, lexical gap.

I’m reassembling it.

“It’s a rebuild.”

I’m putting it back together.

“I’m renovating it!”

Still, there was a hole where the best word should fit.

I invented some words, even: I’m mozaicing my manuscript, I told someone.

It all felt wrong. Not naughty or inappropriate, but cruel, somehow.

You see, I wrote a memoir about what my son and I, his brother and our little family went through when a rare disease diagnosis tossed a grenade into our lives. I was pleased with the writing and the structure. Although it wasn’t my first manuscript—I have another memoir in the can, and multiple ghostwrites to my credit—I was pleased with it. It reflected us, me, the medical odyssey and how we survived, even if we were rumpled, scarred and never going to know the oblivion of blind faith again. It told our story. But it only told the tale up to when I stopped writing, and it was written by who I was then. Restart slinked its way into my writing life vocabulary. When I decided to take my book out to find an agent who’d love it and a publisher who wanted to be its champion, I felt with all my senses that I had to rewrite it.

Events being what they intrinsically are—decidedly out of one’s control, I found myself cutting that manuscript apart last year. But I’d put it off and put it off, as one does with the horrible and the inevitable (think basement purge-sized procrastination). First, I tortured myself with the getting to the slicing and dicing part.

I knew what had to happen.

Writers always feel the percolating inner message that more editing is required. And I LOVE the editing, polishing, revising circuit of writing. So why did I beat myself up about it? So. Unkind.

Then, with the firm-handed assistance of my writing coach, (everybody needs one) and an (almost) self-imposed deadline to do it before year’s end, I cut my narrative up into 156 pieces in December. 80,000 word manuscript cut into 156 files. I swung a cleaver at it. I hacksawed it. I ginsu-knifed it. That felt worse than the nasty self-talk that had preceded taking action.

For a while…and then I felt the shift begin.

What felt like I was lopping off an arm, like I was destroying a key element of my working life, my history as a writer, and myself, resulted in a lightening. Relief. I had to get busy, and do that most frightening and potentially risky thing of all in order to get some clarity.

In short, it felt like the least kind thing I’ve ever done. That is precisely why it took me two years to do it, I think.

The trajectory wasn’t straight, don’t get me wrong. I hacked the book apart in December and ran scared from it until April. But once I cracked open the copious files, and began to snug them up against one another, knit them together, feather them into a narrative again, I could hear the voice of the person, the writer, the mom and the woman, I am now. The book was a whole new story, told by a new-ish me.

I was burying myself under the unkindness of self-deprecation, all fuelled by my oldest friend, fear.

Flash forward. Twelve chapters and 30,000 words into the rewrite, and well, I’m pleased. Just that, pleased. My next task if finding a synonym for that word!

I spent some time with the thesaurus, searching for a word that meant do over but didn’t mean failure. That was the kindest thing I could do for my writing, and for myself.

I gave myself permission to do it again, and I learned that my permission was all that mattered.

What are putting off doing because you haven’t told yourself, Yes?

[published on www.kindovermatter.com in June, 2017]

This book baby, my memoir Loving Large: A Mother’s Rare Disease Memoir is releasing April 2020 from Dundurn Press. You can order yours online at Amazon worldwide, or ask for it at your favourite local bookseller, please. published on www.kindovermatter.com in June, 2017

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]]> Are you willing to be wrong about writing? https://pattimhall.com/willing-wrong-writing/?utm_source=rss&utm_medium=rss&utm_campaign=willing-wrong-writing Mon, 20 Mar 2017 16:04:28 +0000 http://pattimhall.com/?p=1220 Are you willing to be wrong about writing? Good! I’m here to tell you—YOU’RE WRONG. (and give you some TIPS to prove it to yourself) Writing is one of those creative, expressive tasks that provokes a lot of emotions. Wherever you are, whatever you’re feeling about writing, I’ve got you. Whatever you are telling yourself…

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]]> Are you willing to be wrong about writing? Good!

I’m here to tell you—YOU’RE WRONG.

(and give you some TIPS to prove it to yourself)

Writing is one of those creative, expressive tasks that provokes a lot of emotions.

Wherever you are, whatever you’re feeling about writing, I’ve got you. Whatever you are telling yourself about writing, I’ve said it, and say it still, and I know that most of the time, I’m wrong.

Are these scenarios familiar?

Scenario: You saying that writing is too hard for you. Well, you’re wrong.

Scenario: You try to convince yourself that your story isn’t important enough to write down. You’re wrong, again.

Scenario: You try to sell yourself on the idea that you shouldn’t write about your life, because it might offend or bother someone else. Oh my, you’re really wrong on that one.

My friend, if you’re yapping at yourself, verbally flailing around saying “I can’t”, then I ask you,  are you willing to find out you’re wrong? 

I’m here to tell you – That’s not you talking, Honey. That’s our shitty, nasty, self-serving friend Fear. Fear uses shouldn’t, mustn’t, can’t and better not, like no other limiting belief does.

How about you and I tell Fear to get back into its box in the trunk and ride this trip out from there?!!

Brace yourself for it …

The more serious coaching message

is coming now…

The time rolls around when you need to lose the excuses and put not just your perfectly manicured toe in the water, but your whole damn body. Put the force of your whole person behind the pen and PUSH it down the page.

Try this: Write a paragraph about how you are sad, pissed off or heartbroken.

Oh, you know you can write that. (Betcha can’t stop at a paragraph.)

Or, try this: Write a few lines about feeling angry and how what happened was a much longer story than what he said it was. Write the full details, just to feel better that the truth has been put into the air, that you told your version.

One feeling, one story, one point to be made.

That’s how life writing begins. Way to go. Now just do it again.

One feeling. One story. One point you want to make.

I know that once the pen lifts off the page, Fear lifts the lid on the trunk and you aren’t sure you’ll ever be able to show anyone this, or that you can ever turn this into a book. Please, savour the feeling of putting you on the page for your own peace of mind, healing or sense of closure. Savour now.

Let’s worry about the other stuff later, okay? At the risk of a little repetition, here’s more of me talking about Fear, in an interview I did with Lara Heacock at KindOverMatter.com last year:

You won’t sense you are extraordinary until you put yourself out there, until you put some part of your story out there, if only on the page in your personal notebook, locked away in a desk. I always say, you’re extraordinary the second you open your mouth and tell your story because you realize that it is incredibly interesting and meaningful to other people. Your perception is extraordinary, even if what you’ve lived doesn’t seem to be. We just might be wrong, when we make pronouncements about our stories, because we are speaking out of fear.
What has been a reality kicker for me as a writer is that I still so often misperceive my own experience. My inner critic says, what’s the big deal about what happened to you, it’s no different than it’s been for anyone else. It sure as hell hasn’t been common, but if it was, great.
I have to remind myself to tell the story anyway, because I’m likely wrong. It is enough to tell the story because you have it to share. We have neither a full nor fair perspective on our lives. That’s why coaches, editors and other readers are so critical to our writing life stories. Sometimes, we are the worst and most harsh judges of ourselves. We get a lot of things wrong because of fear.
How do we counteract the limits that fear is placing on our writing? Ask yourself this: What do I want from my story?
Have you got some part of you that needs to get out? Have you got something that you really feel like you need to say? Most people will say, “I kind of think if I talked about this, it might help other people.” Almost inevitably, some part of our willingness to talk is purely charitable, storytelling is sharing, it is giving. It starts there, but the hard work that keeps you going is the feeling good about writing it. You’ve got to put some ink on the page for no other reason than to see what it feels like.

If you’re willing to be wrong … and I know you really, really wanna be, then write an opening paragraph for the book you have always wanted to write, and share it with someone you love and trust.

Admit it. It feels good, doesn’t it? 

 

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]]> Writing Made Easy: Write The Places https://pattimhall.com/writing-made-easy-write-places/?utm_source=rss&utm_medium=rss&utm_campaign=writing-made-easy-write-places Mon, 06 Mar 2017 15:39:20 +0000 http://pattimhall.com/?p=1202 Write what you see. Write what you feel. Write where you go. In celebration of places that inspire and the moments that we write. Places are my inspiration. Places imbue my life with meaning. And so, I write of them, in them and with them. Write where you go today. Write where you went on…

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]]> Write what you see. Write what you feel. Write where you go.

In celebration of places that inspire and the moments that we write.

Places are my inspiration. Places imbue my life with meaning. And so, I write of them, in them and with them.

Write where you go today. Write where you went on Sunday. Write that place that made an indelible impression on your memory twenty-two years ago.

You can see the theme of place in my posts. It is in my yearning for more kilometres this year, my Squeeee! noise when I captured a pic of my favourite chair with the fox pillow a few days ago. Places are multi-sensory. Places evoke feelings and senses. They provoke memories of old and create sensations for new ones.

Places inspire storytelling.

On this day, the afternoon in Tullamore pictured, my son Justin was still truly a little boy. Rain drops speckled the camera lens and neither of us had a coat, but we trudged up to this monarch.  I remember my horror when he climbed on the limbs of the King Oak, like he would any tree, like any kid would on any gorgeous tree that had craned its spine so as to lay its mammoth branches nearly on the ground, just go little animals could scurry up their length and breadth.

I recall my apprehension when he scurried up. How I coaxed Justin in a whisper to get down. How I invented rules that didn’t exist, and got a terse tone with him when he simply asked me, “Why?” did he have to come down.

There were no signs, no guards, no fences, postings or rules.

In fact, engaging with the King Oak is precisely why it thrives, in my mind. I took many photos of my little animal on the branches of this King of trees. I even managed to rest back onto the branch at the lower right. I was fearful about the legend…that if one of the branches breaks off a member of the family that holds title to the estate (and the tree I suppose) will die. But Justin reminded me that we are in experience with nature. He felt that tree, more than hugged this giant, and our afternoon was memorable because of that play, and the lessons that a brilliant little mop-headed lad taught his too-cautious Mama who had forgotten how much she loves trees, again. 

Write your lessons, experiences with nature, moments with your child, someone else’s child or yourself as a wee lass or laddie in a tree. But write the places of your life.

OH– in the course of writing this little post, I looked up my facts about The King Oak.  You should too — it was voted the European Tree of the Year once — it didn’t need the title to be spectacular. It is that place where I first learned that my youngest son will always teach me the subtle lessons of having a giggle when I’m long overdue.

Image courtesy of my dear from Tammy Mackenzie. Instagram @mackenziephoto. Thank you, my love.

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]]> Declare your Writing is Important https://pattimhall.com/declare-your-writing-is-important/?utm_source=rss&utm_medium=rss&utm_campaign=declare-your-writing-is-important Fri, 03 Mar 2017 00:38:51 +0000 http://pattimhall.com/?p=265 A client emailed me last week and said, “I have no time. It’s the same problem as always — no time.” When you start writing about your life, it feels like a luxury. It is that self-indulgent, time to yourself activity that you talk about the same way as winning the lottery or sailing around…

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]]> A client emailed me last week and said,

“I have no time. It’s the same problem as always — no time.”

When you start writing about your life, it feels like a luxury. It is that self-indulgent, time to yourself activity that you talk about the same way as winning the lottery or sailing around the world….

It is something you said you MIGHT do someday…

when you retired

when you had a week off

after the kids were in school

but then life got in the way, right?

Yvonne wrote this, “I can’t get to the pages you wanted me to write, I can’t even get to the other things in my life.”

I get it. I understand. Just this morning before I lifted my head off the pillow I heard that voice (sounded a lot like me) saying you should be walking right now, you have to pull weeds, clean the cat box, empty the recycling, vacuum the living room, walk the dogs, return 72 emails, edit 14 pages ….

how are we supposed to feel rested, or like we can take 20 minutes away to write, when the list is bombarding us before we even open our eyes??

It happens for all of us who write, whether you are trying to life write for the first time, or you’ve been at it a dozen years full time like I have.

Here is the truth–

you don’t find time to write—you make time to write. 

How? By actively carving it out of your days, your family’s days and the life that you lead. 

There is no way around it, writing will drop to the bottom of the list until you declare it is

important

paramount 

significant

essential

imperative

When I say declare I mean to firmly stand up for your writing–it feels good and you want to do more of it, right—

so tell everyone, tell the universe and especially your kids and partner–those lovely beings we call family can be the toughest ones to convince.

Like my client wrote: “Everything else seems so much more important than writing in my journal about my life when I was six.” 

Unless you declare otherwise to yourself, and the world, this will continue to be true.

So…make it so… 

Tips for making writing important–

start with self-talk:

I’ve always wanted to do this, so I need this time. It is important to me. 

(Say this or any other affirmation as often as you need to.

Tip: Have a special book, a particular place to write, a favourite pen and say no to everything else while you are writing.

Tip:  Set Boundaries–you need them. Try this:  “when my bedroom door is closed I’m writing. I’ll be out in a half hour.” (Then slam the door and laugh your butt off)

try telling the people around you next:

This really feels important to me. I have discovered something I love. or if you have to–this will be for you someday (even though you have no intention of ever letting them read it).

Tip: Make it clear your notebook, journal or laptop is off limits to readers. If you are certain no one will read it, you are much more likely to write great stuff.

Tip:  Go at it with pleasure, not guilt. You aren’t abandoning the house, kids or pets…you are working on something you love, for you.

grab a Daily Trigger at www.triggeringmemories.com or download a page of our FREE printable stationary in our shop at http://www.triggeringmemories.com/bundles-feelings.html

and write what you remember, what you miss, what you wish you had more of…

WRITE. YOUR. LIFE

If you say it is important…it will be.

Make it so..

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]]> What if the words aren’t coming easily? https://pattimhall.com/1191-2/?utm_source=rss&utm_medium=rss&utm_campaign=1191-2 Thu, 02 Mar 2017 01:03:09 +0000 http://pattimhall.com/?p=1191 For makers and creatives, our work is deeply interwoven with our lives. It is not a job that we can leave at the end of the day. Our art is who we are, and reflects the emotional place we are in at every given moment. What happens when your life makes it impossible for you…

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]]> For makers and creatives, our work is deeply interwoven with our lives. It is not a job that we can leave at the end of the day. Our art is who we are, and reflects the emotional place we are in at every given moment.

What happens when your life makes it impossible for you to work?

Whether facing a deadline, self-imposed or otherwise, we creatives are accustomed to ideas and process flowing from our effort and energy. But life crises, the unexpected milestone events that leave us clambering for higher ground, can stop the flow.

In my case, there is nothing worse than when the words don’t come. When I wait for the rush of language that so often is my companion at the keyboard and there is nothing, it is a deafening silence that inspires panic and disorientation.

I don’t believe in writer’s block. I have to say that up front. But what I do believe in and know personally is how creativity can be paralyzed when the scaffolding of our lives comes down around us.

All makers and creatives have experienced real life getting in the way of the artistic vision, of the passion project. What new mother hasn’t lamented the loss of time at her easel? What person caring for elderly parents hasn’t felt the distraction from their work? But those are life stage situations that we endure because of love, and while we are in them we tell ourselves that this time will pass. It will only be for a little while.

Sometimes though, we are confronted with the greater, more painful challenge when a personal crisis takes us down. I mean takes us down into the pit of despair. The shocking death of a parent, betrayal by a partner or critical medical diagnosis have all be things that have taken down writers and artists I know. They have each taken me down myself, rendering me unable to write, unable to hear the words at all.

This is where the kindness comes in. Kindness to oneself.

At our most sensitive, when we are physically and emotionally beyond collapse our energy must go into the basics of survival. We must patiently allow the prolific standard to which we once held ourselves, to stand down for now. It’s okay to not write today, or go to the studio tomorrow.

What I have learned is that our brilliant, limitless minds continue to work on our ideas even when we are not consciously attentive to them. When I have been too distraught even to journal, and have heeded the advice of my coaches to instead ease into the discomfort, to take the time to grieve, the language around my pain has come to me at exactly the right time, days or weeks later, in a flurry.

Our art will not stop calling. The talent will not cease within us. We do not lose our abilities, even if our raw pain forces healing to light on all of our burners, back and front. Be kind enough to your despairing self to use self talk like “maybe tomorrow” and “it will come when you need it to.” Let your resting mind percolate the ideas that tomorrow will be the capstone chapter on the memoir you always planned to write.

Tell your broken heart the kind and gentle things you would tell your dearest beloved who was facing the same thing. Then one day, you’ll wake up with that tender tickling, just an inkling of the creative desire that you feared was lost, and watch as it burns its way through the fog, a flame fuelled by kind self-care.

Because it will be back, exactly when you are ready.

Write. Your. Healing.

[this post was originally featured on Kind Over Matter.com]

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]]> Getting Started on Your Memoir (Pt. 2) https://pattimhall.com/getting-started-memoir-pt-2/?utm_source=rss&utm_medium=rss&utm_campaign=getting-started-memoir-pt-2 Fri, 17 Feb 2017 10:48:34 +0000 http://pattimhall.com/?p=1175 You want to write but don’t know how to get started, right? If you are absolutely sure you want to write your story, or even a memoir, I can help. You want to write. You know that much.  Do these sound like things you say? “I want to leave my story for my grandkids.” “Writing…

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]]>

You want to write but don’t know how to get started, right?

If you are absolutely sure you want to write your story, or even a memoir, I can help.

You want to write. You know that much. 

Do these sound like things you say?

“I want to leave my story for my grandkids.”

“Writing a book is on my bucket list.”

“I’m journal writer, now how do I make it a book?”

“Everyone tells me, “You have to write a book.”

“I just know there is a book in me.”

“My story has to be out in the world.”

Almost every memoir writer I’ve met can align themselves with one of those. But you, your writing and the way you get the words on the page are completely unique. Everyone gets to his or her writing goal by trying some of the tools I’m highlighting below.

Keep on reading…

If writing alone in a quiet corner, sipping tea while you look over old sepia family photographs isn’t for you…how about sitting down for a few hours in a room with other people who are just trying to get some personal stories on a page. In that room are supportive, compassionate people and a group leader who knows what it takes to pull your memories and guide them into a story you can write. A writing group is every writer’s friend. Writing is a team sport.

Find one, make one, join one online. Quiet space, shared purpose and nothing to do but feel the joy of getting started with your writing. Groups work.

Individual attention is just the momentum boost we need, at some point. I have a coach, without whom I would have given up long ago. I know how valuable working with a personal writing cheerleader is to the process. If you have started a little, and feel unsure about your writing, or you have questions about getting it into a structure, table of contents, outline or book form, then a writing mentor or a word-loving super-coach is ideal for you.  A coach keeps you writing and will take your pages into a book with you.

A coach nudges you forward, meets with you regularly, will make you feel like a Pulitzer is coming you way. A coach will look at your writing with you, gently suggest places to add some detail(always), and spots where you could take away some detail (rarely).

Neither of those sound good?  How about a Facebook group for writers, a class at your local library, a workbook or a self-guided online course? Try the next thing. Try anything. Whatever it takes to return to the story, time and time again. It takes 250 pages to make a book. Of course there will be some twists and turns in the path to that big number.

One page at a time. Write today. Write what you can. Find your team. Find your coach. Take a course, ask for help, join something.

The world is waiting to hear your story.

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]]>